Genre: Slasher/Dark Comedy
Plot: OK, before we discuss the movie, there are a few things I wanna point out.
The only thing that plays on the TV are a shot of a goofy loooking killer's
face, and this KISS ripoff band called "Creature." Some of their music isn't TOO
bad, but they aren't anything to get excited over. Second, most of the DVD boxes
say it came out in 2001, but in truth, it was made (or at leasr copyrighted) in
1993, or at least that's what the credits say. Wither way, I have it in the
Night Chills box set from Brentwood (it had a single release from DML though)
that said 2001. The minute i saw what the picture looked like, I instantly
thought more like 80's. But it could still pass for 90's. We open to see a
U-Haul truck pull up, and we are introduced to Corey, an emotional wreck of a
guy who's father and sister died in a car wreck thanks to stepmom. His mother
must have died a long ass time ago or left his dad. We have stepmother Betty,
who is a constant white trash bitch who you always want to eviscarate, and she
treats Corey like shit and never gets off her lazy ass. Also, there is Biff, the
stepbrother from hell, who also goes to painstaking measures to see that Corey
is in constant misery. Anyway, lousy racist beer scarfing bitch stepmom shouts
out in front of the whole neighborhood that she can't find her TV remote as
Corey is doing all the work of unpacking for the new house. Why Corey didn't
leave home or press charges many moons ago is beyond me. Anyway, Biff is hiding
it in his pocket, and Corey tells stepmom it's just a stupid remote, and she
gets up and punches him. Then she ties a belt around his neck, while she and
stepbro throw beer cans at him and laugh. Lousy fuckers. We are now introduced
to the black next door neighbors, who are always commenting about the Gorey
family...Anyway, they untie him and he finishes unpacking, and goes to his room
(which appears to be some sort of small storage space) for the night, looking at
his Playboy centerfold, and a picture of his parents. So, the next day Corey has
to go to school, and he meets Jackie, the slut of the film. Anyway, she is a
bitch to him from the start, yet he likes her. So, he finds out she likes Ozzy
Osbourne, and goes and buys front seat tickets for her. We are also introduced
to a black girl (I think her name is Yolanda, but I am not sure) who gave the
Gorey family a cake the previous day, only to have it rudely grabbed out of her
hands and called the N word by the white trash bitch stepmom. She tells him that
she wants to walk to school with him. We will see her a few more times in the
movie, and she's always bouncing a basketball, and complaining about how Corey
won't walk to school with him. We see Biff walking down the street, and there is
a kid playing with a ball. So, the kid throws the ball to him, and BIff throws
it in the street. And the kid goes to get it right as a car comes and hits him.
What a rotten piece of shit. Anyway, he goes to get his drug dealer Sabino, who
is fucking some girl. Anyway, he gets an 8ball from him and says he'll pay
later, and Sabino gives him 5 days. Well, Corey thinks things are all good, but
Biff raids his room and steals his ticket. This act almost made me hate the
actor's guts. Anyway, he goes to find the ticket only to see that they have been
stolen by Biff. So, he starts cussing, and falls asleep on Biff's bed. I would
have destroyed his stuff for that shit if it happened to me. So, he comes home
and wakes Corey up. He tells him thanks for the great seat at the concert, and
that he fucked Jackie in a gas station toilet after the concert. Well, Corey
finally gets some sense and knocks the mother fucker down the stairs. Corey goes
into the bathroom to avoid Biff, but he crashes through the door and into the
shower door. He is unscratched by the glass, and asks Corey to help him out of
the broken glass. So, Biff reaches out, and a falling shard cuts his hand off.
Anyway, Corey is about to call the police for help, but realizes his stepmom
will kill him if he does. So, he finishes the job and hacks Biff up, then puts
the body parts in the freezer. The music in that scene might actually be a
little creepy. But who knows? Anyway, Corey ties up trashy bitch stepmom, and
all goes well for a while. Except Corey has a dream where his stepmother breaks
through the ropes and stabs him. Then the mail lady shows up, and barges in the
door for no reason. So, she finds the parts in the freezer and chases after
Corey, and he goes into the garage and hides behind a car that is lifted up on a
jack. So, the stupid woman actually crawls under, and her foot hits the jack,
and the car lowers down on her, crushing her. So then, Jackie shows up, wanting
to know where Biff is. He tells her what happened, and Jackie tells him that
Biff said he had a pound of cocaine hidden. She says if they find it, they can
run away together. But the truth is, the snotty bitch is just using him to find
drugs! So, they basically bust their asses to find it, but no pound is found.
Throughout this time, Corey has made several attempts to form a relationship
with Jackie and to have sex, all of which have been intercepted by her. So,
Sabino comes back to collect the money, which is they run into trouble. He tells
hiom that they have til Saturday to get his money to him, or he'll kill them,
and if nobody's there, he'll burn down the house. So, they decide to have a
party. Anyway, they have the party, and Sabino comes. But this is when Jackie
decides to perform a total bitch move and go with some other guy. So, the
neighbors start complaining abvout the noise, and (also, they put a sign up
behind bitchy stepmom that says "Don't Untie me or I will Call the Cops" and
"Don't Feed the Fattie" LOL Also, these girls decide to put a goofy wig on her
head and put these longass fingernails on her, so that's whaqt they look like
the rest of the movie. It should also be known that they forget their nail file,
which is important) and the cops break it up. SO everybody, including Jackie,
leave, except Sabino, who starts to kick Corey's ass and constantly says
"Where's my fuckin money motherfucker?!" After a few hits, COrey says "It's in
the freezer man!" So, they go down to the freezer, and Sabino shoves Corey out
of the way to open the freezer. He sees Biff's chopped up body parts in there
and goes "Ah, Jesus!" right as Corey grabs an axe and gives him a few whacks in
the back. This homeless guy sees what happens, and runs right into the road,
right the cops hit him. I immediately thought of the "sprinkle some crack on
him" part of the hilarious comedy special Dave Chappelle: Killing Them Softly
when I saw it. Pretty hilarious stuff. So, we cut to see Corey in his room, on
his bed, banging his head against the wall while he has flashbacks of Jackie.
So, he guts up a few hours later and calls Jackie, telling him he found the
pound. Haha, that ryhmes. Anway, he said he found it in a coffee can. Jackie
comes over. So, she steps in the kitchen, and he steps in front of her, and she
once again acts like a total bitch and talks to him like he is a piece of shit.
He asks for an apology and says that she owes him an explanation. She says "I
don't think I OWE you ANYTHING!" Well, that's the last straw for him, and he
says "Y'know, you're right. You don't owe me anything, I owe YOU something."
"Corey, what are you doing?" "Getting what you deserve!" He grabs a power saw
out of a cabinet and starts sawing her gut open with it, saying "I Love you!"
and kissing her while he does it. Well, he jerks the cord out of the socket and
starts strangling her, then she finally dies, all while the "Creature" rock
video is playing. So, the neighbors call the cops, saying it sounded like
someone was getting killed. Corey goes to take a shower, and while he's in, he
gets a razor blade, and considers slitting his wrists. Well, the stepmom notices
that nail file, and grabs it, and cuts the ropes loose, then goes to grab a
machete/sword thing out of Biff's room. She tries to bust in on Corey in the
shower (BTW, if you look you will notice he is wearing underwear, and the shower
door is miraculously fixed now!) but he runs. Anyway, the cops get into the door
and grab Corey as he runs into them. The stepmom tries to run after him, but the
cops shoot her dead. Her last line is somewhat funny to me, "Bastard!" Corey
goes "Thanks man! She was gonna kill me..." and then realizes he has a way out
of going to jail and says "She was gonna kill me, just like all the others!" And
the movie is over. And the song in the music video plays over the credits. Like
I said, it isn't TOO bad.
My thoughts: As you can see, I did not give this the usual shitty rating it
gets. The ONLY reason it didn;t get 5 Genes is because it strays away from the
slasher formula, but the movie was so fun to watch I didn't care. For some
reason, I really loved it. The score isn't too bad, as well as the photography.
THere are many laughs to bef found here too. Too bad it wasn't gory. The acting
is NOT bad like everybody says it is. It isn't all that professional, but for
the characters these people play, this is damn good work! For instance, Betty,
the stepmom: White trash bitch I conastantly want eviscarated. That was what the
character was supposed to be. The actress was successful in that goal. Biff=
dickhead stepbrother who goes out of his way to terrorize Corey who needs to be
castrated. Once again, mission accomplished. Jackie: Snotnosed bitch slut who
needs a pop in the mouth (not that I support violence against women, anyone who
punches a woman just to be an asshole should die). Once again, Brenda Pope
pulled this off. This doesn't mean the parts were well-written though. But who
cares, this movie is great. The KISS rip-off band is successful in ripping off
KISS, that drummer looks pretty much exactly like Ace (even had that cardboard
thing that Ace used to wear, I believe.) The bassist looks like Gene. The lead
vocalist looks like Paul. Nobody reallyt reminds me of Peter though, or Eric
Carr for that matter. Oh well, see it!
Gore: No, Corey really isn't gory in his killings. The most we get is a hand
chopped off for onscreen gore, and we see Biff's severed legs being out in the
freezer. Also, we see a wound in Jackie's chest from where the power saw was
put, but it is only onscreen for half a second. But the scene with the lowering
was cool and effective for some reason. The most brutal kill, however, was the
axe-in-the-back scene.
Nudity: We see the tits of the girl that Sabino is fucking for a second.
Bodycount:
1. Kid hit by car
2. Guy has his hand chopped off, later chopped up
3. Woman crushed by lowering car
4. Guy is stabbed (dream)
5. Guy is chopped in the back several times with axe
6. Homeless guy hit by car
7. Girl has her stomach sawed with an electric buzzsaw
8. Woman shot
Rating: 4 out of 5 Genes
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